What I have seen cannot be unseen. What I have done cannot be undone.
What I just witnessed will be forever burned into my brain. Permanently seared on my memory. I may never sleep again. I know for sure I will never be able to eat sushi again. I literally feel sick to my stomach. I may die. Actually, I kind of want to die. Unfortunately for you, this is sort of like The Ring and I am cosmically obligated to share with you what I just watched. Ready? No? Ok, perfect.
WHAT AM I EVEN LOOKING AT RIGHT NOW???
Here is the scene: one girl, one man, one live fish, and one glass of milk. The girl bends over and an enema is inserted into her ass. Inside the enema is the glass of milk. She winces. After a few moments she stands up, clenching her cheeks to make sure the milk doesn’t come out before it’s good and ready. The man takes the live fish and holds open its mouth. The woman positions herself over the fish’s mouth and opens her butt. The milk comes pouring out into the fish’s mouth. Are you throwing up yet? Just wait there’s more! The man quickly takes the fish and puts his mouth on the fish’s mouth and holds the fish upside down. He drinks the ass/fish milk and smiles triumphantly to the camera. This, my friends, is Genki-Genki.
What exactly is Genki-Genki? It’s like the most underground fetish porn you could ever imagine. Also, it’s the most insane shit ever put on film. It’s so insane that I have to imagine the models participating in these horror fests are paid millions of dollars to do the things they do. The creator, Daikichi Amano, is considered by many to be a genius—an artistic monster that pushes the boundaries of the human body. I think he is a psychotic sadist who was locked in an outdoor cage as a small child. He probably watched “2 Girls 1 Cup” while enjoying a cup of chocolate soft serve and giggling. Seriously, his shit is so fucked up that I am at a loss for words to describe it. I’ll let his work do the talking for me. Here are the titles of some of his recent films:
1) “The Cockroach is Jealous of an Earthworm in a Vagina to Dislike”
2) “The Larynx that is Suffocation and Wet Skin to Attack”
3) “The Dances to an Earthworm and Small Fish and Confesses to a Scar”
4) “The Head is Fastened and it is Regret of a Tear and a Faint”
The fuck? What do those words even mean???? When the people at Genki-Genki use Google Translator to translate their titles from Japanese to English their computers alert every government in the world before simultaneously imploding. I work in porn and I see some of the most depraved shit every day. I recently saw a girl eat an omelet made out of jizz. SHE COOKED THE JIZZ AND THEN ATE IT WHILE TECNHO MUSIC PLAYED. Ok, I have seen some shit. But never, have I seen shit like this.
And it got me thinking: there has to be weirder stuff out there. I’ve seen a woman fist herself with crunched up cockroaches thanks to Genki-Genki and I need to know more now. What other weird fetishes are out there? And who is participating in them? Here are the top 5 weirdest fetishes I found on my quest for the strangest shit on the Internet:
1) Formicophilia is the sexual interest in being crawled upon or nibbled by small insects such as mosquitos and ants. Usually this paraphilia involves the application of insects to the genitals but hey, why stop there!
I am suuuuuper horny right now.
2) Vorarephilia is a paraphilia where arousal occurs from the idea of being eaten by or eating a human. The fantasy involves the victim being swallowed either dead or alive and may or may not include digestion. Which I guess means that some vorarephiliacs are like, “I will eat the fuck out of Robert but shitting him out? YOU HAVE GONE TOO FAR SIR!” This is actually a fairly mainstream paraphilia, but it’s still super fucking weird. If you’re interested, look up Armin Meiwes, a vorarephiliac cannibal who ate a WILLING VICTIM. They were just going to have a little cooked human penis appetizer but then things took a turn for the worse. It’s worth a read….
Hey, let’s try that “All-You-Can-Eat Human Buffet” tonight. It only has 3 stars on Yelp but whatever, I’m really in the mood for people.
3) Mechanophilia is a paraphilia where people are sexually attracted to bicycles, cars, helicopters, and planes. In some nations it’s treated as a crime and perpetrators are forced to register as sex offenders. I think it would make more sense for them to have to register as mechanics but what do I know? I’m just a necrophiliac.
Jet Blue your planes are fine as fuck but your customer service still sucks dicks.
4) Menophilia is a sexual fetish where people become aroused by a woman’s menstrual blood. If this is your cup of tea, please contact me as I will be willing to sell you tons of used tampons every 28 days.
No jokes, that’s actually a really good costume.
5) Eproctophilia is sexual arousal from another person’s farts. Fart fetishism is a feast for all the senses—sight, sound, and smell. There are tons of websites devoted to women who love to fart and the men that love to pull their fingers. Check it out, there are tons of forums and online stores where you can buy used farty panties. Because, you know, normal sex is boring and stupid.
Bonus fetish: Fantasy Dildos
Are you bored with the shape and size of a regular penis? Do you wish you could travel back in time and get fucked by a dinosaur? Or perhaps you’ve always wanted to take a ride on Pegasus’s dick? Well, you’re in luck! Enterprising sex sites like bad-dragon.com have been selling dildos modeled after mythical beasts for years now! Not gonna lie, I wouldn’t mind taking a spin on Chance the Stallion’s thoroughbred dick.
Easy boy, eeeeeeeeeeasy now!
If you’re feeling brave, let us know what weird things you do behind closed doors, or in open spaces, or on top of trees, or with dead bodies. I’d love to know what fetishes I’ve been missing out on all these years.
Special thanks to my beautiful co-worker @Thereal_BNasty—the guy that introduced me to the beautiful world of Genki-Genki. Thanks BNasty! But also, fuck you.
Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter @SloaneSteel. I promise to share more weird shit with you when I feel like it.by