VIDEO: How To Explain the 90’s to Your Children in Four Minutes or Less

VIDEO: How To Explain the 90’s to Your Children in Four Minutes or Less

Everything about this is good.

Look, the 90’s were a confusing time for everyone. We drank Zima, ate 3-D Doritos and played clay-based board games like “Grape Escape” (look it up and laugh at our stupidity.) I’m getting to the age where the 90’s are no longer an embarrassing pock mark on history but rather a cultural reference point for clothing, food, and design. I’m so old that I now catch myself staring at midriff bearing, plaid shirt wearing preteens and I think “I can’t believe that’s in style again.”

I remember learning about the 1950’s in school and thinking, “wow, my parents were born during this time. Fuck my parents are so old.” From that day on I saw my parents as martians. They were alien creatures that had to hide under their desks during nuclear bomb drills while wearing poodle skirts. I realized that I would never have anything in common with these people that birthed me from their loins. One day I’ll have children and they’ll look at me like I’m from another planet. A planet where our phones were connected TO THE KITCHEN WALL and our movies were viewed in 2-D. They will laugh at my plebeian ways while watching a North West Greatest Hits from Mars concert that is being broadcast through their eye sockets and think to themselves, “Fuck, my mom is so old.”

When my kids ask me about my childhood I will pat them on their space helmet and show them all they need to know about the 90’s. Forget Crystal Pepsi, forget Dream Phone, forget Butterfinger BB’s (mmm, actually, don’t forget those because they were a perfect candy and they shall forever be missed). Everything they need to know about the 90’s can be summed up in one glorious video. I present to you the most perfect video ever made in the history of the world now and forever starring Eddie Murphy, Michael Jackson and the precursor to the Flying Toaster screensaver. Ladies and gentlemen, do not ask what is up with me for I ask “Whatzupwitu?”


Yeah. You’re welcome.

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